I can't help but wonder what happens to people's psyches and spirits when they fight so hard to do the right thing, live an honest life, and find there is no help for their situation. It is almost as if the world speaks to those who are disabled that they deserve to lose everything that matters to them. I always had faith there were systems in place to help people. Maybe they're out there, but finding them, being eligible, and not being put on an endless waiting list seem difficult to find at best.
Perhaps it's pride. Perhaps it's being fiercely independent, I don't know - I was not quite sure if I wanted to cry or throw up! - I do know we were raised to have strong work ethics and to not be able to work myself into being better, or let me rephrase that, being able to work myself out of a disability, feels like failure. It feels more like a life out of control instead of all the planning and preparing we were taught to do as children. We were taught to save, plan for retirement, etc., planning for being disabled just wasn't on my list and honestly it's a struggle. I just never imagined this as part of my future.
I want to, as one of my heroes, Mother Teresa said, "Do something beautiful for God."