Thursday, March 14, 2013

Waiting for Direction

It took me two days to write an email to my vet but sent it this morning and just called the office to let them know to expect it.  I figure it's far easier for me to communicate this way rather than try to remember everything I need to, and, keep myself from crying!

I've asked for the vet's advice and put it writing I'd prefer she be sedated if we need to take blood.  It felt good to get that communicated.  I also needed to know if what we're feeding Tux right now is okay long-term or are we causing kidney damage. 

Tux seems to be doing okay so far living off of sliced turkey and chicken broth.  She's got a little spunk back, but she's still quite tired and sleeps most of the day.  She did allow me to love on her last night while she was lying in our bed.  I'd just been praying for her, sending her light and love, and she looked up at me.  So sweet.  I've not heard her purr much lately, it is nice to hear.

She now has a heated lap blanket under her blanket on the bed so she can be warm and comfortable.  All my energy is going toward helping her feel as good as is humanly possible.

Crying.  Wow, sometimes I cannot stop!  But then, I remember how much I bawled and cried when my dog was diagnosed with Cancer, my gosh, heartbreaking.  Is it better to know the end is coming or not?  I do not have a conclusion for myself at this point. 

I did go back and look at some photos I took of Tux years ago and I heard a voice in my head say, "You did have time with her, you just don't remember."  Kind of a sad revelation, but true. 

As the case was with my dog, I never wanted her to go either, but I'll tell you straight up, I'd rather suffer with the loneliness of life without her than to see her struggle or suffer.  There is a time, I believe, as they grow closer to death that they stop being themselves and start just surviving. 

I have seen Tux with that faraway look and I wonder if the kitty angels are calling her, or helping her get ready to go.  Well, I'm off again, I don't know for how long this time. 

Hugs dear friends.  :)  Thanks for being here. 

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